I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
