You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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