Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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