I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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