so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
