The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize