what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize