Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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