I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
