I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
