my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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