I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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