I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
