i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
