I think my fart just growled at me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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