Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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