I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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