A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
