my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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