You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
