So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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