When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
