I accidentally burped into my bong.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
