Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
