I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
