The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
