Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
