I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
