maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
