So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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