from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.