If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
