Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
