yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You smell like stripper and shame
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Randomize
