Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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