when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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