We're facebook friends in real life
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
