im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
