And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Rumble strips road head = magical
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
