What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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