so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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