Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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