First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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