Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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