If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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