So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
