Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
