is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
