its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
