Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
