No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
