Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
