he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
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My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
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Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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