i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
