Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
