apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize