so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
