i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Non-Jews are for practice
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
