I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
