No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
