Can i not drive my cunt home
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
