I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
