Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
