I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
