I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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