yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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