her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
someone owes me an orgasm
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
