Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
