I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
