I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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