oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have fence marks all over my body
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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